so last night i got into a fight with my cousin, who i used to be really close to, about how she's screwing up her life.  she's hanging with people who are criminals and/or do drugs.  not a good idea.  she's skipping school a lot, which i can't say anything about b/c i skip a lot too, but still, i know it's a bad thing to do.  and she's only in her first semester.  i want her to do better than i'm doing.  i want a better life for her than what she's making for herself.  but she doesn't get it; she thinks i'm just being a bitch. 
so after i told her to fuck off, i called 1800suicide because i felt like cutting.  it had been over a year since i last cut, and i was trying really hard not to.  let me tell you, they're not the most helpful hotline.  the last time i called i ended up calling another hotline because they were too busy to talk to me.  i should have called the other hotline last night, but 1800suicide is in my phone first, so that's where i called.  and the lady said my cousin isn't "obeying" me, which just made things worse.  poor choice of words.  so i hung up on her and went and got a razor and cut myself.  now i have to start counting all over again.  brannon caught me, or it would have been a lot worse than a couple of scratches.

I just spent a week in the hospital.  I feel much better and best of all, the doctor believed me that I hear voices and now they're gone!  Magic little pills.

So I haven't actually written about me for a while.  My opinions aren't valid anyway, so why should I, right? (haha, read that again).
I've actually been kinda down lately.  Not since I went off my Abilify, before that.  I've been crying again.  I don't want to say I'm suicidal again, because I'm not exactly, but I am having a tough time with stuff.  I've been thinking about the time I slit my wrist when I was 17.  Sometimes I think I could've done it better, done it right.  Sometimes I wish I had.